If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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