My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
