Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
