break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
