speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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