the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
two words: eviction party
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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