i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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