I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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