I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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