I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize