I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
