Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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