Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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