ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
