halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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