Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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