i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
