She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
