His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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