It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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