on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Please don't give away my fajitas
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I love you.
Bad choice
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