just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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