You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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