took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
