Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
