Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
