Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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