..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
