I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
