party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
