I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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