i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
