I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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