Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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