just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize