I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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