i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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