Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
