Cold hands, warm shart.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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