I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
