Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
