I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
