I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
