If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
