Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
