So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
