You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
