my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize