i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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