i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
