Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
