Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
