He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
