I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
