Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
