So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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