glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
