don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
