god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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