I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
