the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
