So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
