Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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